Couples Counselling

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"Today, most of us in the West are going to

have 2 or 3 marriages or committed relationships

and some of us are going to do it with the same person"

Esther Perrel.

 

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Regardless of how successful we are in other aspects of our lives, we are designed and long for intimate, and meaningful relationships: a place where we are fully known and unconditionally loved.

We long for connection, love and acceptance by our partner/spouse.

Without that, we can struggle to thrive. 

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However the reality is that our long -term committed relationships will change us.

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Achieving a satisfying relationship is hard.

Being in a relationship with another human being is hard work.

It may not even be something we experienced or were taught growing up

and we bring those wounds and pain into our adult relationships:

unconsciously reacting in negative ways to our partner.

That's tough. Achieving a satisfying relationship is hard, it requires change and growth.

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Sometimes we are unable to find a suitable partner

or we struggle with commitment, insecurity, possessiveness, neglect,

or abuse in our current intimate relationship.

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 There are skills that we can learn that help both partners to improve connection, love and

understanding that makes your partner a place you want to come home to.

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"If you are going through Hell, keep going" Winston Churchill

Keep on going because that's no place to stop there.

Seek support, and remember that the difficult period is not permanent. 

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"The quality of our closest relationships, more than any other factor, determines our physical health, resistance to disease and longevity. Satisfying  close relationships also improve various dimensions of each partner's mental health. Happy marriages or long-term relationships can significantly reduce depression, anxiety disorders, addictions, anti-social behaviour and reduce incidents of suicide."

John Gottman PhD

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Some common relationship issues:

• Communication problems

• Unhealthy conflict

• Neglecting the behaviours needed to maintain feelings of love and affection

• Infidelity/Affairs 

• Right fighting 

• Differences in parenting/money management/intimacy/division of chores/organisation styles 

• Power and control struggles

• Holding on to resentment

• Loneliness

• Disconnection 

• Loss of desire

• Fear of intimacy 

• Sexual problems

• Porn use

• Unmet needs

• Not feeling heard/understood

• Defensiveness

• Feelings of losing yourself

• Abandonment issues

• Co-dependency issues and/or Inability to set and maintain boundaries

• Inability to find a suitable partner

• Inability to commit and/or remain committed 

• Insecurity and possessiveness

• Neglect and/or abuse 

• Managing separations and divorce - if it is what you both want or if it is what you have to accept. Then let's work out the best way to do that.

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